6 Traits of Resilient People

Published on 11 October 2024 at 10:31

A lot of people think of resilience as toughness or grit. "when the going gets tough, the tough get going," as the old adage goes. However, if the only response you know to challenges, problems, and stress are to push harder, you're inevitably going to break something; yourself, someone else, or valuable relationships.

Resilience is not just being strong to push through the obstacles of life. Rather, it's a combination of skills that we can and should keep working on in every stage of life. Like muscles, if we don't keep strengthening AND stretching these essential skills, they weaken. In some seasons of life, when things are going relatively smoothly, we typically don't feel the need to work out the resilience muscles, but that's exactly when we should be developing them so that we're prepared when the inevitable troubles come.

Most people tend to avoid difficulties. We try our best to prevent failure, we avoid uncomfortable situations, and we dodge critical feedback. We're protecting ourselves from disappointment and hurt, which is natural. However, a number of studies [1] have shown that "what doesn't kill you" can actually make you stronger, wiser, more emotionally mature, and healthier mentally, but Psychologists have also noted that some people grow and thrive through hardship while others flounder, and it isn't just a fluke. Resilient people have developed certain traits. The good news is, any of us can learn them.

Here are 6 traits of resilient people:

1. They believe that everything is "figure-out-able."

Resilient people have a growth mindset, which helps them believe that if they can't see a solution, it just means they haven't found it yet. Every problem to them is an opportunity to learn new things and improve themselves. Rather than just working harder when there's a challenge, they have learned to observe, identify the obstacles, and articulate the issues. This gives them a good starting place to explore solutions.

2. They accept their limitations and aren't afraid to ask others for help and support.

Unfortunately, many people have embraced the idea that a strong person figures out their own problems without needing help. We probably all believe this to a certain extent, even if it's subconscious. Certainly, an emotionally mature person has learned a healthy amount of independence, but the rugged, self-made, individualism that is celebrated in the classic "super man" trope, is actually weak and fragile in the real world. Sadly, rather than gathering a team of "experts in their field" around them, a lot of people let shame prevent them from reaching out to others who's strengths could be the perfect compliment to their own. It feels vulnerable to admit one's own weaknesses and ask for help, but resilient people aren't afraid of uncomfortable feelings. 

3. They have developed skills for tolerating uncomfortable emotions.

Resilient people don't run away at the first sign of a hard situation. It's not that they seek out or like being uncomfortable. Rather, they've learned that avoiding hard things might provide a short term "false peace," but in the long run will just make the problem worse. They know that dealing with the hard thing will be uncomfortable, but they also know that honestly feeling and working through their emotions brings insight, healing, and new levels of maturity.

4. They focus on what they can control and let go of what they can't.

When we dwell on all the problems and our inability to fix them, it leads us into a crippling hopelessness AND helplessness. The reality is that there are some things we just don't have control over, but resilient people choose to focus their attention and energy on the things that they can control and let go of the things they can't. This mentality frees us from burdens that aren't ours to carry (which keep us stuck) and results in much more actual positive change and growth.

5. They are flexible and try new things.

Resilient people are adaptive and are okay with adjusting tactics and perspectives. They are willing to try new things and aren't afraid of failure. Rigid thinking doesn't allow for thinking outside the box and can contribute to mental illness. If you always beat yourself up when you make a mistake, if you always react the same way to problems, if you always avoid situations that make you anxious, that's rigid thinking. Resilient people have grace for themselves and others and embrace the twists, turns, and U-turns on the journey to success.

6. They laugh.

Sometimes it feels like that's all you can do, but it turns out that laughing is to us like a power up mushroom is to Mario. It literally reverses hormonal changes brought on by cortisol and other stress-related chemicals. It activates the secretion of endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine—the body’s natural painkillers. Scientists say that laughter gives your body some of the same benefits as moderate physical exercise. Studies show that laughing—even fake laughing—for just one minute a day dampens stress, eases pain, lowers blood pressure, stokes your immune system, and brightens your mental outlook. [2] Too many of us take daily challenges with grim, crippling seriousness and humorless determination. Maybe you've been taught to believe that you have to earn the right to have fun, but that approach robs you of some powerful tools to enhance resilience. Laughing enhances resilience powers up our ability to grow through adversity.

Resilience is important for mental health, emotional maturity, and becoming a better parent, partner, leader, student, person, etc., especially when facing difficult times. Anyone can learn the skills to become more resilient. You can start practicing these traits today, and don't get discouraged. It's okay to ask for help. We're here for you.

By Tony Janzen

Founder and Director of

Inspired Life Resource Association 

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Comments

Bethany Seto
2 months ago

Great insights. Resiliency also seems to make the difference between a difficult event being traumatizing or manageable. I know so many people who did not get the help they needed during difficult or horrifying times in childhood who struggle with resiliency now and get retraumatized over and over again.

Carol Pudwell
2 months ago

Good article, Tony! There are many great reminders of things that I need to continuously need to work on for my own emotional intelligence.

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